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Depends who you ask

[ website | Love Bizarre ]
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On the sixth day of Wrestlemania, my true love gave to me. [01 Apr 2014|02:48am]
[ mood | curious ]

Home, off to New Orleans, maybe this year I won't need to babysit. Surely, surely the benefit of being on the road so much is that the NXT kids are looked after by someone else. Then again, word that next year they're going to be doing shows to go up against the indy promotions trying to ride on the coattails of Wrestlemania sounds like this might be the last year of just worrying about Axxess and Hall Of Fame.

I had a conversation the other day about life getting so busy. When did it happen? I used to drive hours upon hours a day to get from one show to another, be able to fit a gym workout in, get to the show, plan a match, wrestle, get stiffed from a promoter, scrounge up enough cash to pay gas and drive to the next show. Life feels a lot more faster paced at the moment. Sleep means you miss things. The conclusion we came to was that it has to be technology. Now, when you leave work, work can still be accessed on your phone. The emails still come through at all hours of the day. You don't arrange a place to meet someone at a specific place and make sure you get there on time, you can now text to say, hey, I'm standing under the big tree near the entrance, or hey, running late, I'll be there in 10. You used to have to be on time, and you wouldn't start a new task in fear that it would make you late. So, you put more things off, less was fit into a day, and we had more time to ourselves. You would think that getting things done quicker would result in more free time, but somehow, it's resulted in less. It's hard to turn off from the outside world, family, friends, work, the news, and just spend time with one or two special people. There's always that tempting buzz that you just have to check in case it's urgent.

I think I've said it before, I went from acting 18 to acting about 40. I went from looking about 18 to looking about 50, too. I lost my babycheeks and gained some wrinkles. I try to keep clean shaven, but when I don't, there's definitely some grey coming through, the hairline is receding more and more. I missed those years in between and sometimes I wonder what I missed out on. I've only ever seriously dated about three women, and even in those relationships my mental state wasn't one that matched my age. I'm happy with where I am, and I'm happy to act and look in my 40s or 50s, but it's hard not to wonder, in this age where every experience is almost tangible through technology, what did I miss?

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Hot for teacher? [14 Jun 2012|04:18am]
[ mood | amused ]

I shouldn't laugh. I don't, often. The master of a straight face, a chuckle is a rare sound from me. However, every time I look at that [info]gossipbizarre post and people wish that I was still single? It gets me going. It starts as a rumble in the bottom of the belly, and when it comes out it sounds like a Dad laugh. I think that's a sign I'm getting old, I'm both blind and I sit back and chuckle holding my stomach.

That, and apparently my baby is half evil, well, so six of you think. Demon baby, that would explain the volume of her wails every now and then. I wonder if that's the same six who wishes I was still single. Evil Leticia, she's locked me up and thrown away the key to my pants so many of you used to have access to. Whoop, here comes the chuckle again.

I've never hidden behind anything. I've had a lot of vices in my life, but if there's one thing that's gone against me it's that I'm too honest about things. I had a run where I slept with three different girls in three nights, and when that wasn't enough, a couple of years later I went on a nice six day sprint, five girls in six days. It would have been six in seven, but Melina cock blocked me without realizing it and I never got to try to finish that visit off right. But people who have been around for a while remember my doors post, my life could be different on any given day depending on which door I knocked on.

Things are a lot more steady these days. I work, I come home, there's drool and dirty diapers which I told someone at one point (my memory has been shot for years) that being a Dad has taken me off the eligible list. You can't really feel like you're a ladies man when you spend more time cleaning up after a little person who's depending on you at home than you do anything else. Maybe parents are together because they're kinda in it together, yeah, I've seen you with baby puke on your face, you've seen me with poop on my hands. We're even.

I wonder how many of the girls who wished I was still single though would actually tell me. I've been honest about my sex life and my desires, I've lost people because of it, but no one can say I lied. I may have been confused, but I've never said that I wasn't a man whore. Life is settled for me now, so I have to wonder. What now, now that the key is held by one person, what makes people wish there was still a master around? Is it the legend? The rumors? Help me out here. Make me chuckle. Leave it anonymously if you wish. But satisfy my curiosity. What makes you wish you could get your hands on me?

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[22 Aug 2011|03:09am]
[ mood | satisfied ]

A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

I was going to do another one of my dictionary meaning updates, which is really just an excuse to ramble about something, but a few words here, and keep people satisfied for another month. I've done a few, some full of contradicting sentences but all facts, some repetitions, some just a lot of words not saying much, which anyone who's taken the time to talk to me knows that it really isn't my style verbally. Punk put in his update that I actually said more than two words to him. To me, a friendship doesn't need to be filled with verbal exchanges. The comfort of being silent with someone says a lot more than the ability to carry a conversation. I think a lot. It doesn't mean I brood, but I'm enjoying my brain functioning. Some decisions may not be the best, but they're mine. I own them. Which comes with the responsibility.

I've taken it of myself. But I'm the only one I've had to worry about for a long time. My marriage to Christy failed, and although we were both to blame for that one, I will take responsibility for my actions there. I didn't deal with it in the right way, I wasn't ready to be married and I don't think I ever will be. I used to be annoyed at the word 'forever', because nothing is forever. People throw it around like the word love. Nothing is ever infinite. That sounds bitter, but I'm afraid that it's what I believe. So.. I think that's why being wed won't suit me.

Taking responsibility for something, or someone other than myself though, that's a possibility. When reliance turns up responsibility, it separates the men from the boys. Do you swallow your pride and do the right thing, do you stand by your opinions, or do you do what you think you should? Is that even honest, to do what you think is the right thing but isn't your instinct?

Responsibility has a different meaning in every person. No dictionary can capture that.

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, [19 Dec 2010|08:09am]
[ mood | curious ]

I've been given a few updating ideas, but ones that I don't think I'm quite ready to pull the trigger on yet. But then I'm left thinking.. what update could possibly follow up one of a bunch of doors that seemed to cause ripples through the community. The reaction from that post has been telling, at least to me. I understand that maybe a couple of girls might not feel that great after reading it, but like I said to anyone who tried to argue, I never hide the way I am. I might not blatantly flaunt it around, but I don't put claims on anyone either. I'm not here to make someone feel trapped. But I'm not here to justify myself to people who have most likely already made up their mind about me either.

I don't like this time of year. I could tell you why, but that feels a little too personal to put out there as well. Maybe that's why I write either nonsense or put a few doors up. I don't want to be an opened book, I like the fact that a majority of my life is private. Some things sometimes blow that, like certain people knowing where the key to my house is, but since that's been moved now, maybe I won't have to worry about stalker like activities. Maybe I need some help. Not that kind, that kind doesn't work for me. Maybe I need help with what to update about. The secrets post recently revealed.. maybe a little more or less than people think, but that's neither here nor there either.

I'm sure there are plenty of them. So why don't you ask me. Without getting overly personal into my life, because I'm sure that will make me ramble until you forget what the question was in the first place. But ask me a question. I know you've all got them on your mind, I just wonder if any of you are actually ballsy enough to come through with them. I'll leave it open, be anonymous if you need to hide behind a screen to ask what you want to know. Think of me what you want either way, but if anyone actually goes through with this, I just want to know..

.. what do you want to know?

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We live in a bit of a strange age [02 Dec 2008|04:06am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Sometimes I wonder what life would've been like if I'd been alive 50 years, or more ago. What it would've been like when the stockmarket crashed in 1929. What it would've been like when World War II started in 1939. How different things would be if they happened now. The internet has shaped and changed our lives so much. Myspace means anyone... anyone.. knows anything they want about you. I get requests to friend who I went to school with. Hey, bud. You wouldn't talk to me when I was 15. I'm not going to pretend we were friends so you can look cool and have over 300 people added to your myspace.

Then we get to wrestling. The internet means everything's out in the open with wrestling. It's no longer looked as something that could or could not be real. Now it's all about who's dating who. Who's hanging out with who. Who's fighting who, who's cheating who, who's jealous and who's getting de-pushed because they use pot. People now know wrestling is predetermined. Our ability as wrestlers is no longer to keep kayfabe, but to try to get people caught up in our story. We are now more actors than performers. We're more like a TV cast than clowns at a circus.

And then we come to journals. To these journals were only our closest friends, friends of friends, lovers, ex-lovers, brothers, sisters and co-workers get to read whatever thoughts we choose to put out on the table once a month. Some leave words of wisdom. Some leave what's going on in their lives. Some leave cryptic notes that leave us hanging for more or snooping around to our friends outside the journal to see what we can figure out. Some leave things that are too easy to gossip about. Some talk about themselves constantly. Some talk about others constantly. Some gloss over something they're trying to say to make it appear like they might be saying something, but you're not really sure.

I just wonder where we'd be without the internet. If the world would be a better place or a worse place. I haven't decided which side I'd be on yet.

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-Disclaimer- [25 Sep 2008|04:28pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

This is an RPG community. This journal is part of a non-profit role-playing community and is not intended to be taken literally as the character portrayed. We are in no way associated with the owners of the intellectual property the character belongs to. No copyright infringement is intended, nor do we pretend to own any part of said property, trademarks or characters. This journal may be subject to permanent suspension without notice at the request of the real person, trademark holder, copyright owner or agent thereof.

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